Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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