When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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