A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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