How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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