Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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