I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
