i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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