drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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