don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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