so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
