First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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