I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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