No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
