Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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