So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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