during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
