idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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