pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
