a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
