i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
