Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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