nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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