I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we should paint friendship bongs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
