Non-Jews are for practice
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
