I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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