the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
