i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
