we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize