Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
