porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
