Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
