So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
