My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
