her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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