i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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