i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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