I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
