Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
