Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
