I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
