I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
