Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
