Welp...herpes.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
