Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
