Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
