belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
