I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
