brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
