i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
