I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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