i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
