Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
