youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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