thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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