well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
