He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize