if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
