I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
