So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize