Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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