i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His hands were made for my vagina.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
