He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is it penis luge time yet?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
