Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
