i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
